In motion: JOURNAL # 16: Use this time to create a clear itinerary of things you will be attending to in revision—something to the tune of 200-300 words.
In motion: JOURNAL # 16: Use this time to create a clear itinerary of things you will be attending to in revision—something to the tune of 200-300 words.
8 thoughts on “In motion: JOURNAL # 16: Use this time to create a clear itinerary of things you will be attending to in revision—something to the tune of 200-300 words. ”
During revision I’m going to focus on the points that my groupmates Livy, as well as Kenny pointed out. For starters simple grammatical mistakes that were made throughout the paper. For instance there was many times during my writing I wrote DFR instead of DFW when talking about Consider The Lobster. This was a simple mistake I probably wouldn’t of picked up on if it wasn’t for my group-mates pointing it out too me. I also need to add some commas to try and eliminate run on sentences. There was also a few times where I didn’t put the page number to where I got my quotes from when referring to “What The Crows Know” and pulling evidence from that document. I also look to expand on some ideas that I already have in my paper. For example, I wrote about the idea of large scale farming. In that example I mentioned how hundreds of years ago we use to hunt for our food instead of just stopping by whole foods to get a meal. I’m going to use that as an opportunity to introduce the quote from “Consider The Lobster” that was in the prompt. As of now most of my attention will be focused on just expanding on ideas I already have, trying to bring more evidence to support my claim and just crispen this paper up a bit.
In class on Tuesday we had our second peer revising session. As I looked through my comments I found some useful comments I wanted to put to life. Several of my comments were grammar mistakes which were things I did not find extremely important right now. I did find some opinions that I was given from my classmates that I found valuable. For my peer revising of this paper I had my classmates revise it and also Eric Drown from writing support. All of the comments that were made inspired my ideas and helped me to find the right way to put my ideas down on paper. For one, one of my classmates explained to me that if he had not had prior context of the reading, he would be a little bit confused. This made me go back into my paper and put further explanations on the texts and why they are important in my essay. Most of my classmates’ comments were telling me to further expand on some quotes and passages, which I found helpful going back in to revise. As I met with you, and Eric Drown, I came out some helpful conclusions about the formatting of my paper. I set myself up with a little bit of an outline. I actually ended up going back in and finding that my conclusion was something that would sound better in my intro, therefore I moved it up to the top and started fresh. I still had all my ideas on a separate paper and they were going to be transferred, but I felt as if this gave me a better idea on how to format my paper. Going through this revising process I found that it’s actually super helpful to get all of your ideas down (even if it’s messy) because you can then go back and switch things around. I discovered something odd, I did not really know what I wanted to say in my essay until I finished and started to revise this draft.
During peer review I was given a handful of suggestions to improve my essay. One concern brought up by my group members was a lack of explanation of the Maine Lobster Festival, and some other topics as well. I am going to attempt to work towards better explaining the areas of my essay which need it so that my essay is easier to understand for the audience. A few suggestions were made regarding a few sentences that need to be tweaked so that my paper flows better. What I took from my peer’s suggestions was that some of my sentences could just be shorter, or even broken up into two sentences. By breaking up my sentences, or being more concise I presume, the reader will likely not have to keep on reading the same thing over and over before they understand what I wrote. The biggest revision I am going to make is finally incorporating a second source. By adding my second source my paper will look much different as now I must construct some Barclay paragraphs. Overall, my revisions consist of: elaboration, focusing on making certain areas more concise, and including a second source in order to create my Barclay’s paragraphs.
I think the first thing I am going to do to revise my paper goes back and relook at all the comments that my peer reviewers posted. I want to make sure that they all make sense, and I will get rid of the ones that repeat between peers. Then I will go back and make a sort of “outline” of all the information I will add using the comments. I find if I map out what I need to work on or change it will make it easier to add to my essay. I will then go through and follow the suggestions that were left throughout the essay, making sure that everything I need to change is fixed. Once I add all of the new revisions to my paper, I want to thoroughly go through the entire essay, making sure that it runs smoothly and is grammatically correct. I will probably reread the essay multiple times to make sure that adding additional information did not alter the flow of the essay at all. I always like to read my writing out loud to myself because I find that I catch a lot more errors that way. Once I have gone through everything I will edit anything that needs to be fixed, making sure there are no spelling errors. I will probably read the essay to someone else as well to see if others can catch any mistakes.
After this peer review session, I received really good feedback and a lot of positive things. I took away that I need to make sure it is a personal opinionated essay. As well as to add more context of the two articles in my introduction. I also need to try and represent the opposing side more, so it is not so focused on my argument and it more as a whole. I also had specific strong claims throughout my essay that I could put towards forming my thesis since I have yet to write one. So, I am going to start by fixing my introduction with adding more context of the David Foster Wallace essay and What the Crow Knows as well. Then start forming my thesis to go along with my essay. I have to add another paragraph and form another claim, as well as finish up my conclusion. I have some sentences I need to fix to let them form better, but I don’t think that will be hard. I think making another paragraph to go with my argument might be difficult because my essay is already so long. So, I might pull from my analysis throughout the essay and shorten it up, so it is not so repetitive.
Some of the smaller things in my itinerary of what I will be attending to during the revision of my draft are merging sentences together, trimming down quotes, and adding topic sentences. There are also some bigger things that I will have to change. I am very aware that my introduction consists of only my thesis, and that my conclusion is nonexistent. I will be building upon my thesis and turning it into more of a discussion topic, as well as fleshing out a conclusion. In my introduction, I will open with what people consider about food, and then explain my own moral senses about food. Also in the introduction, I will introduce and summarize the essays I’ll be working with and give context. Deeper into the essay, I’ll explain who Joel Salatin is and his importance. In this project, I will be more cognisant of transition words and sentences. I will use transition words to link together conflicting ideas and use transition sentences to link paragraphs. The most cursory problem of my essay is that the paragraphs I have created don’t have any connection to each other yet. Along with ordering them differently, I’ll add in some Barclay-style quotes. I realized that I should only be using two sources, so I’ll be removing references to the Mann essay and only keeping references to Pollan’s and Wallace’s essays.
When I began to revise my paper, I started with reading through the comments my group left on my paper and fixed anything that was easy and simple. Then I made a game plan for the more complex comments, like adding quotes or fixing the format of some paragraphs. I usually wait until I am done writing my essay to add the thesis because your original thesis is bound to change from when you start writing compared to the end. You find new points, opinions, and quotes as you write that might not fit perfectly with your first thesis so then I started working on what and where I wanted my thesis. I also leave all the formatting for the end, the works cited page, page numbers, in text citations, and name/date/class so I added all those as if they were the cherry on top. One of Jesses critiques from my last essay was that I needed to proof read so I plan on rereading my essay a couple more times or even have a friend read it through to make sure to catch any silly mistakes.
8 thoughts on “In motion: JOURNAL # 16: Use this time to create a clear itinerary of things you will be attending to in revision—something to the tune of 200-300 words. ”
During revision I’m going to focus on the points that my groupmates Livy, as well as Kenny pointed out. For starters simple grammatical mistakes that were made throughout the paper. For instance there was many times during my writing I wrote DFR instead of DFW when talking about Consider The Lobster. This was a simple mistake I probably wouldn’t of picked up on if it wasn’t for my group-mates pointing it out too me. I also need to add some commas to try and eliminate run on sentences. There was also a few times where I didn’t put the page number to where I got my quotes from when referring to “What The Crows Know” and pulling evidence from that document. I also look to expand on some ideas that I already have in my paper. For example, I wrote about the idea of large scale farming. In that example I mentioned how hundreds of years ago we use to hunt for our food instead of just stopping by whole foods to get a meal. I’m going to use that as an opportunity to introduce the quote from “Consider The Lobster” that was in the prompt. As of now most of my attention will be focused on just expanding on ideas I already have, trying to bring more evidence to support my claim and just crispen this paper up a bit.
In class on Tuesday we had our second peer revising session. As I looked through my comments I found some useful comments I wanted to put to life. Several of my comments were grammar mistakes which were things I did not find extremely important right now. I did find some opinions that I was given from my classmates that I found valuable. For my peer revising of this paper I had my classmates revise it and also Eric Drown from writing support. All of the comments that were made inspired my ideas and helped me to find the right way to put my ideas down on paper. For one, one of my classmates explained to me that if he had not had prior context of the reading, he would be a little bit confused. This made me go back into my paper and put further explanations on the texts and why they are important in my essay. Most of my classmates’ comments were telling me to further expand on some quotes and passages, which I found helpful going back in to revise. As I met with you, and Eric Drown, I came out some helpful conclusions about the formatting of my paper. I set myself up with a little bit of an outline. I actually ended up going back in and finding that my conclusion was something that would sound better in my intro, therefore I moved it up to the top and started fresh. I still had all my ideas on a separate paper and they were going to be transferred, but I felt as if this gave me a better idea on how to format my paper. Going through this revising process I found that it’s actually super helpful to get all of your ideas down (even if it’s messy) because you can then go back and switch things around. I discovered something odd, I did not really know what I wanted to say in my essay until I finished and started to revise this draft.
During peer review I was given a handful of suggestions to improve my essay. One concern brought up by my group members was a lack of explanation of the Maine Lobster Festival, and some other topics as well. I am going to attempt to work towards better explaining the areas of my essay which need it so that my essay is easier to understand for the audience. A few suggestions were made regarding a few sentences that need to be tweaked so that my paper flows better. What I took from my peer’s suggestions was that some of my sentences could just be shorter, or even broken up into two sentences. By breaking up my sentences, or being more concise I presume, the reader will likely not have to keep on reading the same thing over and over before they understand what I wrote. The biggest revision I am going to make is finally incorporating a second source. By adding my second source my paper will look much different as now I must construct some Barclay paragraphs. Overall, my revisions consist of: elaboration, focusing on making certain areas more concise, and including a second source in order to create my Barclay’s paragraphs.
I think the first thing I am going to do to revise my paper goes back and relook at all the comments that my peer reviewers posted. I want to make sure that they all make sense, and I will get rid of the ones that repeat between peers. Then I will go back and make a sort of “outline” of all the information I will add using the comments. I find if I map out what I need to work on or change it will make it easier to add to my essay. I will then go through and follow the suggestions that were left throughout the essay, making sure that everything I need to change is fixed. Once I add all of the new revisions to my paper, I want to thoroughly go through the entire essay, making sure that it runs smoothly and is grammatically correct. I will probably reread the essay multiple times to make sure that adding additional information did not alter the flow of the essay at all. I always like to read my writing out loud to myself because I find that I catch a lot more errors that way. Once I have gone through everything I will edit anything that needs to be fixed, making sure there are no spelling errors. I will probably read the essay to someone else as well to see if others can catch any mistakes.
After this peer review session, I received really good feedback and a lot of positive things. I took away that I need to make sure it is a personal opinionated essay. As well as to add more context of the two articles in my introduction. I also need to try and represent the opposing side more, so it is not so focused on my argument and it more as a whole. I also had specific strong claims throughout my essay that I could put towards forming my thesis since I have yet to write one. So, I am going to start by fixing my introduction with adding more context of the David Foster Wallace essay and What the Crow Knows as well. Then start forming my thesis to go along with my essay. I have to add another paragraph and form another claim, as well as finish up my conclusion. I have some sentences I need to fix to let them form better, but I don’t think that will be hard. I think making another paragraph to go with my argument might be difficult because my essay is already so long. So, I might pull from my analysis throughout the essay and shorten it up, so it is not so repetitive.
Some of the smaller things in my itinerary of what I will be attending to during the revision of my draft are merging sentences together, trimming down quotes, and adding topic sentences. There are also some bigger things that I will have to change. I am very aware that my introduction consists of only my thesis, and that my conclusion is nonexistent. I will be building upon my thesis and turning it into more of a discussion topic, as well as fleshing out a conclusion. In my introduction, I will open with what people consider about food, and then explain my own moral senses about food. Also in the introduction, I will introduce and summarize the essays I’ll be working with and give context. Deeper into the essay, I’ll explain who Joel Salatin is and his importance. In this project, I will be more cognisant of transition words and sentences. I will use transition words to link together conflicting ideas and use transition sentences to link paragraphs. The most cursory problem of my essay is that the paragraphs I have created don’t have any connection to each other yet. Along with ordering them differently, I’ll add in some Barclay-style quotes. I realized that I should only be using two sources, so I’ll be removing references to the Mann essay and only keeping references to Pollan’s and Wallace’s essays.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1rkTiF4ZZBFqslRflvIiurCQVjIKQmd0RXppROTc5SNI/edit
When I began to revise my paper, I started with reading through the comments my group left on my paper and fixed anything that was easy and simple. Then I made a game plan for the more complex comments, like adding quotes or fixing the format of some paragraphs. I usually wait until I am done writing my essay to add the thesis because your original thesis is bound to change from when you start writing compared to the end. You find new points, opinions, and quotes as you write that might not fit perfectly with your first thesis so then I started working on what and where I wanted my thesis. I also leave all the formatting for the end, the works cited page, page numbers, in text citations, and name/date/class so I added all those as if they were the cherry on top. One of Jesses critiques from my last essay was that I needed to proof read so I plan on rereading my essay a couple more times or even have a friend read it through to make sure to catch any silly mistakes.